Like this:

I’ve been wanting to share a big ‘difference’ but couldn’t figured out a photo to include. It’s been two months- so here it is, sans entertaining photo.

After living and working in Manhattan and Brooklyn for four years, I adjusted by sculpting my own personal social shell. Get on the subway, look at everyone’s shoes, listen to my iphone so it’s the only thing I can hear, read a book while doing A and B. Go for a walk, do not smile or talk to anyone- unless you already know them. Get on bus, swipe card, sit down, listen to iphone, read book.  Basically, IGNORE EVERYONE, thereby giving them their ‘space’ in an otherwise very intimate setting.

When going for coffee in Brooklyn, I’ve been friendly to the person at the counter, but never really interacted with the other customers.  Same at the markets, be quiet, get your groceries, pay the cashier, out.

When I was introduced to running errands in my new non-urban setting, I was immensely thankful to have a friend chaperone. When it was time for my first Colorado errand session, I froze when strangers began making eye contact with me and asking how was I today.  My friend was able to see me in distress and intervene.  She often would respond friendly to everyone and then quickly say- “she just moved here from NY”, while I would stand frozen and obviously uncomfortable.  I couldn’t go to the store without her, I was too overwhelmed and uncomfortable.  It was just too much.  My intuitive signals were all screwy- telling me that all these people were up to no good.  WARNING WARNING – friendly people are trying to take advantage of you – DO NOT RESPOND.

I eventually adjusted.

Then, I moved to Boulder and began taking the bus around town.  I had taken the regional buses between Evergreen and Boulder/Denver, but not the local ones.  My first attempt, I get on the bus, pay my $2, and sit down.  Everyone is quiet, but doing the smile and eye contact thing. The bus makes the next stop, a CU college student gets off through the back exit and she says ‘Thank You’ to the bus driver. He says “Have a good day!”.  I immediately thought the interaction was strange, and chalked it up to the girl being an overly friendly co-ed. Then, EVERYONE says thank you to the bus driver! I guessed this was because the first girl did it, causing everyone on the bus to feel obligated to do the same. Oh no. Oh no no no.  I come to find out, this is what you do. Each and every person who gets off the bus says ‘Thank You’ to the driver, whether out the front door or the back door.

New Yorkers, I wish you were there with me when I realized this. I wanted so badly to balk at everyone in the company of someone who understood how odd it was for me. Instead, I had to calm down and make sure to say ‘Thank You’ on my exit as well.

So.  The difference for today is- in Brooklyn you never speak to anyone on the bus and do not make eye contact, in Boulder you smile at everyone you are near, make eye contact, and loudly thank the bus driver as you exit the bus.

(I can hardly wait for my first visit back to Brooklyn to see how I feel the other way around!)

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